You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
