ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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