Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
