wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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