I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
