He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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