So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
