no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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