I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
