went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
