2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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