You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I still have a little drunk in my system
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
