hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
