honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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