We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
