Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please, let me fuck your mom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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