i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize