My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
