when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
