I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
