Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They have beer where we have blood.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize