I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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