It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
