you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize