Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
