My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
