youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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