Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
