I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
