The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
