I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
