Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
