what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
