booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
