Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
