Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
