How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
