You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
