I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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