I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
