Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize