Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
