laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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