apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize