Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
