I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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