I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
