Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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