8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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