She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
