Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
