i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
