you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
