We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
