My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
