He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
