watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am available for nakedness
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
