I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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