You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
