I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize