Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
