You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
