he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
