Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
