dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
