What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
