I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
