so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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