he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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