Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize