Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
