boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
