Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
