If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
