Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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