Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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