do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
