WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
soo... how was my night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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