I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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